So let me share a weekend tale with you – I am single…and I have reached a point where I would like not to be!
Now, I work from home, see mostly school mum’s at the gates, go to yoga classes – so the majority of my social life is around females. Which I love – don’t get me wrong, however as a 40(something) year old, single parent who works at home…where does one go to meet suitable partners?
How can I motivate myself to get out there and do something about it? Well it’s been on my mind for a while…on and off..and now, really I want to do something about it. I no longer want to be single.
And so I messaged a friend to meet me for a drink so I could actually leave my house of a Saturday night!! She was on her way back from Sydney to Canberra –when she text back I thought, hmmm she won’t want to go out after that….so, it was like, unconsciously, ‘great, I tried, but you know what can you do?’….and so back to hiding. I had a bath, got my pj’s on.
And she messages and say ‘where are we meeting?’ Argh – what? I’m comfy, warm, I have a movie lined up…I tried to make my excuse…
She says – “NO, I’m picking you up in 30”
So, I get changed, whack some face back on and we head out – for a great night!
We had fun and you know what, I met a very nice guy and we chatted and swapped numbers (old skool like). Laughs, fun, connection and yay!
Now, a few months ago I would have piked out – no way was I getting out of my jarmies to go out. But the reality is – even though I will still try and make ‘excuses’ (fear based – you know it) the desire to not want to be single any more is stronger than my desire to watch Netflix. I am motivated to move away from pain….
And you know, on the Sunday I got a whole lot of stuff done. On Monday I went to town and ticked off my entire to-do list – with single pointed focus action taking. Results.
Being kicked up the arse to go out on Saturday – rippled through. I was all like ‘hell yes – I got this!!!’
Because in every area of life there will something stopping you, me, most people! And it’s fear – in some guise. We make excuses.
We get comfortable – even if the comfort is not what we really want. I want a relationship… yet I choose my couch, alone as more appealing?
HELL NO JO!
(And if it is, more appealing to stay home alone – that’s cool too – I can stop putting energy into ‘wanting’ something as another distraction…)
Sometimes we need a friend to kick us up the butt – someone who can see through our bullshit. Sometimes we need a coach to push us when we want to give up– why do you think PT’s yell at you!!
And sometimes we need to be that for ourselves.
See through the bullshit. Move out of comfortable – because there is no growth in comfort.
Really it’s simple – stop complaining about stuff. Firstly, in general because it never helps and only attracts more of what you don’t want! And secondly, if you are not willing to take action to change it.
Most people are motivated by moving away from the pain…whatever that is for you.
Take weight loss – have you or do you battle with this? Ask yourself are you more motivated to stick to a ‘diet’ (not advocating diets – just so you know) when the goal is to be XXkgs – or when you feel so yuk about it that you are ready to make the sacrifices?
Money – having a squllion bucks is a nice idea to have…but its usually the lack of being able to do what you want to do that will shift you into action.
Really a goal is often stting there as a ‘nice to have’ but it’s not moving you off your ass.
What you need to do is focus on your pain.
What do you NO LONGER wish to have in your life?
Got it? Awesome.
Now go and make a plan – get a friend on board (pick one with balls who will hold you accountable) hire someone (hey have we met?!!) Or do it yourself…whatever works.
Find your pain that you really no longer want to feel…and make a plan to move away from it.
And then go…get out of your pj’s and dance the night away.